Intercultural Marriage

The title may resemble some discourse years ago on inter religion marriage. Many scholars have examined, discussed and had done some works on the latter, especially in Islamic perspective, but none of them talking of intercultural marriage.

However, current writing is in no way a serious examination on this topic. Therefore, do not look up for something fully academic in it  It may merely contain my own accounts on this.

In many essays today on intercultural marriage, it is often understood as a marriage held by two persons from completely different cultural background. This is not what I am concerning about in this, but in narrower sense of the phrase, that is, marriage between two with different cultural backgrounds. In Indonesian context, it is like between Javanese and Manadonese, which are geographically and culturally distant. Or in another case, like that between aristocratic (whatever it might mean) family and not. Tough the latter become rarer to happen today, but in some families, mainly in traditional family, it sometime becomes serious consideration to think.




I have no idea about the exact definition of marriage. But we may understand it as “unifying of two persons agreeing to live together until the end of their life”; and we must add “in accordance with their official religion or other institution regarded as the same”. It sounds like a simple thing. But, in fact, it is not even it is more complicated than that.
In traditional society, a marriage means not only unifying of two persons, but more intensely, as the case in many traditional societies in Indonesia, of two families, or even more between of two tribes.

As it can be predicted, unifying of two personalities, however different they might be, easier and simpler than that of two families, and two clans. For, a simplest family order must consist of, at least, three persons, two parents and one son or daughter. This means a more difficult reconciliation of diverse concern from those people involving in that unifying.

But I am sure with conviction from the couple wanting to get married; it becomes easy to overcome problems they might face. Therefore, before they go so far, they must first have agreement on how they should go through this long journey of life. And in traditional society they need to consider their family, since in that kind of society we will interact more with our family.

There are many barriers to occur before and during such marriage. These could be language barrier; differences in values; religious conflicts; sex role expectations; economic adjustments; fear of abandonment by family, friends, spouse; political issues; and legal complications.

To overcome these, the spouse should learn about one another's cultures; communicate well in at least one language; be open and honest with their families; accept that cultural roots go deep and that people don't change easily or quickly; Focus on the positives.